ADVICE
How to Respond to Criticism in Relationships
“You always insist on doing things your way even when you’re wrong.”
“Why don’t you ever listen to me?”
Nobody likes criticism, but we encounter it everywhere. Often, we find dealing with them unpleasant, especially when we get them from our partners.
Handling criticisms in relationships can be challenging. Emotions cloud our judgment and we often end up arguing.
In this article, let’s tackle how to respond to criticism positively.
Listen
Effective communication means active listening.
When you’re on the receiving end of criticism, it’s listening that will help you understand what your partner is saying.
Ask them questions so you can clarify and assess whether their criticism is valid or not. Acknowledge their opinions. Healthy relationships aren’t free of arguments, but couples are free to have different opinions.
Knowing where your partner is coming from can help you decide how to respond to criticism in a healthy, sensitive way.
So unless your partner’s hobby is to complain, give them the benefit of the doubt and hear out what they have to say. It’s validating and informative.
React Proactively
If their criticism has merit, own up to your mistake and resolve to do better.
To make it easier to react positively, put yourself in your partner’s shoes. Think of the impact your behavior has had on them.
For example, you’re constantly late. Think how frustrating it must be for them to keep waiting for you. They must feel that you don’t value their time. A simple, “You’re right, and I’m sorry. I’ll do better,” and then actually doing as you promise can do wonders.
Argue with Logic
A partner’s criticism tends to be more personal than any other kind, so it’s hard not to get emotional.
But when you know that your partner’s criticism is off-base, it’s still better to hear them out. Afterwards, you can say something like, “Okay, I hear you. But I have a different view from what you just said. Please hear me out.”
Remain polite to encourage respectful dialogue and explain your side. If you can, point out facts.
Just because you’re being logical, though, doesn’t mean you can’t show emotion. Remember, you’re talking to your partner. This is not a professional situation but a personal one, so don’t be detached.
Show that you care about what it is that concerns them, and even your argument is to protect the peace between you with truth.
Give Constructive Criticism
No one is perfect, so at times, you might be the one criticizing rather than being criticized.
In doing so, focus on your partner’s specific mistakes rather than their whole personality. Instead of attacking them, bring to light how their behavior affects you.
For example, you can say, “I know you’re working really hard these days, but I feel frustrated when you’re late for our plans. Can you please give me a call to let me know if you won’t be on time? That way, I can adjust.”
Constructive criticism tells your partner that their mistakes don’t blind you to their positive qualities. At the same time, you’re expressing your feelings and letting them know how they can do better.
How to respond to criticism sometimes hinges on whether the criticism is given properly to begin with.
Walk Away
Sometimes, no matter how calm and reasonable you want a situation to be, it just doesn’t turn out that way.
Know when to walk away. When you and your partner are getting heated up or getting overly emotional, it’s time to say, “You know what? I can’t hear this right now. We both need to cool off first.”
You need to return to the conversation, but do so with cooler heads. That way, you can prevent saying or doing things in anger.
Conclusion
There are some cases where a person is just plain overbearing. But for the most part, when a partner is critical, there’s a reason for it.
This often happens when you and your partner have been together for a long time, especially when you have kids.
They criticize because they’re invested in you. Your actions and choices directly impact the quality of your lives together.
Being in a relationship means you take care not just of yourselves but of each other. Couples should keep that in mind. That way, even when you give or receive criticism, it’s always with the united goals of fewer disagreements, better resolutions, and increased intimacy and harmony.
Also published on Medellin Singles
