Find Love When You’re Ready, Not When You’re Lonely

I have a confession. In my teenage years, I often found myself dating one guy after another. I was in a hurry to be in a relationship, not because I was ready, but because I was afraid to be alone. It was stupid of me, I know. I never thought of it as something serious until I dated this one guy.

Everything was great at the start; we talked almost every single day. He was sweet and respectful. I genuinely liked him, and I thought he liked me too — enough for him to ask me to be his girlfriend. But he didn’t.

He told me he was not ready to be in a relationship and that we would be better off as friends. Although he said it sweetly, I still felt a sting in my heart. I realized I had been rejected. I cried and cried for days.

That’s when it hit me. Why would he date me and act sweet towards me if he wasn’t ready to commit? Then the third wave of realization dawned on me. I’ve also done what he did to me to other guys. Hence, I do not have the right to complain.

Because of this experience, I made a promise to myself. I will not date until I am ready to find love. Otherwise, I’ll just waste my time and others’. So, how do you know if you’re ready? Here are a few things I’ve gathered:

1. You are over your ex.

According to clinical psychologist Randi Gunther, “No one is ready to successfully date again unless they have sufficiently healed from their prior heartbreak.”

Regardless if you are the one who ended the relationship or the one who got left behind, you must heal your heart before giving it to another person.

Whether you take a one-month or two-year hiatus from dating is ultimately up to you. You know yourself better. Take all the time in the world. Love and healing should not be rushed.

2. You sorted out your issues.

You need to face your own problems before going into a new relationship. Your partner is not your doctor. You are in a relationship, not in therapy.

Besides, it is unfair to them. Imagine being in a relationship with someone who has so many issues and baggage. It’s emotionally exhausting. Most of the time, it will only result in even more problems.

So, work on yourself first before diving into a new relationship.

3. You know your worth.

It’s difficult to love other people when you don’t even know how to love yourself. It’s like sharing something you never have.

Understand who you are and what you want. Consider that having a partner won’t make you happy if you are not even comfortable with yourself.

4. You don’t need someone to complete you.

You are a whole person on your own. You don’t need someone to make your life complete. You don’t need someone to save you from loneliness. What you need is someone who can add to your happiness, not give you happiness. There is a big difference.

Your partner is not a missing piece to a puzzle that is you.

Don’t dive into a new relationship when you’re an emotional wreck. Your partner doesn’t deserve that. They need someone who can make the relationship work, not someone who needs to be taken care of. So work on yourself. Become a person who doesn’t need love, but a person who wants love. You don’t need someone to complete you. You are already whole.