Dating Realities: Why Being Yourself Is a Big Fat Hoax

Authenticity is good, right? It helps build deeper connections and leads to a greater sense of self-awareness and acceptance.

But is it really that easy?

If you want to make a good first impression in a new relationship, just be yourself! At least that’s what most people say.

With that sage advice, countless articles, books, and relationship experts have counseled those looking for love to be the best version of themselves.

It’s true that you’ll never attract someone by pretending to be something you’re not, but expecting yourself to just “be yourself” without any consideration for what you’re doing is advice that can do more harm than good.

There are plenty of situations where your “natural” self can actually hurt your chances of finding love. Let me give you a few examples.

If you’re too nice, people will take advantage of you.

In the dating world, being good-hearted and giving might seem like the way to go, but these traits come with a price. Oftentimes, there are those who will take advantage of you.

For instance, when you’re too accommodating to say “no” to someone’s requests, they may become comfortable with making unreasonable demands on your time and resources.

Also, they may not respect your boundaries or take your feelings into consideration because they expect you to always be there for them.

As a result, you can no longer protect your own needs and well-being.

If you’re too boring, people will lose interest quickly.

The current dating scene is a rough place to be. You can have the perfect amount of height, weight, income, and hobbies, but if you’re not interesting or funny enough, you’re doomed.

This is especially true for my friend, Mike.

Mike is a really nice guy. He has a good job, a nice apartment, and a car. He even volunteers at the local food bank every week. He’s the complete package.

But when he goes on dates with women he meets online, they always seem bored by the time dinner rolls around. When I asked him why this keeps happening, he said “I guess it’s because I’m not interesting enough.”

Then I realized, you can’t blame people for faking themselves and trying to be funny when they’re not.

It’s a survival tactic. If you want your dates to like you, you have to be interesting first.

If you’re not confident enough about yourself, people won’t respect your opinions or trust your judgment.

I’ve seen it happen too many times, and it’s pathetic.

If you lack confidence, people won’t take you seriously. It’s a fact of life, hence why most people prefer to be around confident people — someone who has their act together and isn’t just sort of stumbling through life.

As a result, those people who have low self-esteem will fake themselves to avoid getting rejected. They’ll put on a facade of confidence to hide their insecurities and appear more attractive to potential partners.

Be the best version of yourself.

Don’t just be yourself. Instead, be the best version of yourself.

You can always stay true to yourself when dating, but you must also strive to be self-aware and work on improving yourself in areas where you feel you can grow.

It means being confident in your strengths, working on your weaknesses, being honest, and being positive toward yourself and others.

Self-improvement is a continuous journey. Don’t stop working until you get there.